I know no one really pays attention to this blog. I am always seen but never heard. I try to do the best I can to help out others and be a good person but that luck never reflects what I give out. For once I wish our luck would change.
My husband is an auto mechanic and gets paid on a flat fee; pretty much what he works on. If he doesn't have anything to work on, then he doesnt get paid. He goes into work from 8-5 and pretty much just stands around until there is work. Its that slow and so far has only 8 hours on his check. We have been getting a 800/month loss on his paychecks for the last few months. I try to do what I can and cut coupons and save by staying home. We don't own any credits cards nor cell phones. The only luxury we have is basic internet ( which also helps our home phone through magic jack). Every week it is the same; bills or groceries that we have to choose to go without. Have you ever fed a family of 6 on a $55 dollar per week budget? Not great let me tell ya. With milk soaring to almost 3 bucks a gallon, it just means less and less food in the fridge.
Having no money makes you mean; it rips at your soul and puts a true test to your own well being. I am starting to despise people that I should not even despise in the first place. If you eat at McDonalds or Taco Bell for lunch; I despise you. Don't tell me about you being able to spend money and go shopping; I will despise you as well. Its not that I really despise you; its just that I have been so poor for so long that I see it as I am a rabid, starved little dog and you are holding a steak over my head. I need change.
Well get a job you say? Easier said than done. My best friend has actually offered me a job. It is only 10/hr but thats not too bad. But add 450/month for Hannah's daycare plus 667/month for AJ and Nick's before and after school care that leaves me 155/wk from a 450 dollar paycheck. Since husband works two jobs (8am to 5pm and then 11pm to 4am) there is really no way to find an inbetween and work as a waitress, etc.
Dammit, I just want to be one of those lucky people. The people that can buy clothes for their children. AJ has 2, yes TWO pairs of pants. I would love to buy him so more even if that means goodwill. What I really would love more than anything is to be one of those lucky people that can go out shopping with their friends on black friday and not stress over not having enough money. Last year while I stood in line I had to debate which toy I had to put back and only had enough for a 5 dollar baby doll and 2 hoodies for my children. I absolutely love black friday, call me crazy if you wish. I just want to be able to have fun on a day that I enjoy so much not go to my car and bawl my eyes out and envy the people around me. Why lord why can't I get over this damned speed bump!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment